Hand Stuff

Hey, we are both adults here…

When I decided to sit down and write this blog, I asked myself a few questions. Did I want it to be chronological? Should I be brutally honest? Were people going to think that I was mean and un-datable with unrealistic expectations about people?

The answer to my reflective questions are this- No, I think the stories are more fun out of order. I am going to be very honest about my dating life and intimacy level, why not. Also, I recognize that I will get a certain number of criticisms about this blog, and that is ok. Its the internet. People get mad about cats wearing funny hats.

I know what my limitations are as a woman dating in the 2000’s. I was jaded. I grew. I healed. I learned my worth. I have learned to do most everything on my own and I would rather be happy in my solace than feel like I compromised. Sound familiar? Strong women are gaining this mantra every day. Rock on sister!

Once I get off of my high horse and calm down, what am I looking for? I want a man that can passionately live life with me. I want to feel safe emotionally and physically. I want a man that is a hard worker and respects woman. Faithfulness, loyalty, kindness. These are the traits I want in a man. Then of course, I want him to be manly, because lets be serious, that is sexy.

Not all my dates are one and done. Sometimes, they lead to second and third dates. Sometimes they probably could have led to more dates, but I am so headstrong and fierce that I am the one that “ruins” it. Like I said, I know my limitations and flaws.

The story I am going to tell you is not one that I ruined. Like many of my dates, I met “Hand Stuff” online. He seemed like a hard worker. He had a corporate job. He liked sports and seemed like he had a great sense of humor. I met him after work one day when he was in the area. I don’t normally go on dates in my area because of my profession. I run into everyone I’d rather not see on an internet date.

We are sitting at the bar and up walks my second cousin. She’s had a few cocktails and doesn’t realize that I am on a first date. She and her husband come over and start telling me a horrific story about how her dogs mated and she tried to hose them off and pull them apart as she’s making gestures. When I say gestures, shes drunkenly pretending to wash her lady bits and acting out the whole story as if she was the dog. This bad date was on me so far. What I liked was that “Hand Stuff” was laughing the whole time. He was a gentleman with a sense of humor, so I thought.

We leave the bar and I am completely mortified. We go get sushi and he’s still laughing and seems interested. Could I possibly have found gold? He walks me to my car and hugs me after. He asks to see me again. Swoon.

Fast forward to our next date becomes me holding on to his ex girlfriends barking dog while he plays softball at a park with no bathroom. Its ok. If he can handle my family on the first date, I can handle this, right?

We head back to his place to watch a baseball game and his ex finds out he has a woman over and insists on coming over to get the dog that they share custody over. This in itself is odd to me. Someone needed to cut their loses. I know pets are like family, however, lets stop getting pets together when you aren’t ¬†married or engaged….

After the ex comes and gets the dog, he snuggles up next to me on the couch. I should have guessed it. He wanted to make out like two teenagers. He kisses me a bit, then he gets too handsy. He asks if I want to go in the bedroom. I play dumb and ask for what. He replies that we are both adults and should be able to have a little fun. I’m so annoyed at this point. I tell him that yes, even though we are adults, I myself did not want to partake in that type of fun yet. His response, with a very serious expression, “What about just some hand stuff then?”.

No thanks.

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