So, How Do You Want To Do This?

Dating etiquette 101

I have learned that the phrase, “I have the perfect guy for you!”, never ends well. Typically it doesn’t even begin well. These tend to be my favorite dates. I have a bit of a twisted sense of humor where I love all things awkward.  Whats’s more awkward than going on a date with someone that a mutual person sets up for you? No matter what happens, you have to be extra polite and grin and bare it if it goes wrong.

A friend of mine wanted to hook me up with her cousin, “Fad Work Out Guy”. She thought since we were both nice Italians we would hit it off. I was excited about going for a ride on his motorcycle. I had broken up with an ex who had a Ninja and a Ducati. I missed the bikes and its non secret that I’m also a bit of a thrill seeker. Combine that with my love of awkward situations, and this is perhaps why I love dating so much.

I end up meeting this man at his house. He gets his bike out. Its a Harley, and not really  my personal style. But, I’ll try anything once and twice to make sure. He ends up taking me to a nice restaurant down on the water near by after a quick stop to get gas in the motorcycle.

So far, I give this man credit. He seems to be a gentleman. He makes sure that I am safe and comfortable. Then, we sit down. He refuses a menu and tells me that he’s on a diet. At first I think he’s kidding. Then, instead of just saying he has gone through major weight-loss and us talking about other things, he continues to talk the entire time I awkwardly eat my salad in front of him. Seriously, how could I have ordered a burger or something heavier?!

No one wants to be stared at while they have a plump juicy burger in their hands and an adult beverage in hand. This man had a water with lemon. He only had a water with lemon, the entire time.

He precedes to tell me what he eats daily, how often he works out, and he gushes over The Rock for the entire 40 minutes. I’m all for self help and betterment. This was on the verge of annoying….OK it was annoying. I listened to everything about caloric intake as I ate my salad. I can not remember one other thing that we discussed.

Don’t get me wrong, he was totally a nice man with kind eyes. He, however, was on a self help journey and had no business taking his cousin’s friend out. I’m not sure he took me out, because at the end of the meal (my meal), he says, “Ummm so how do you want to do this?”.

I paid for myself. It was fine. I get it. However, I am not sure to this day why he invited me out to eat. He chose all of this! We get back to his house and I realize he lives at home with his parents. He puts the bike away and has the balls to ask me if I want to come in and watch a movie. No, no I do not want to come in. Thanks. Have a good night.

Later I need to explain to his cousin why the date didn’t go well. This was the worst part. Of course she’s going to defend her family member. I find out that he made minimal money and most likely put all his money into gas for the bike that day. I find out that he was over 300lbs and was now “skinny”. I found out that he hadn’t been on many dates.

The real question is this, why in the world was she convinced this was the right guy for me?

So, there are some dating guidelines I’ve acquired:

  1. Don’t get fixed up unless you’re ok with it being uncomfortable for someone involved potentially.
  2. Do your research to avoid weird situations.
  3. Always be prepared to pay for yourself, however, I thoroughly believe whomever did this asking needs to pay. Why can’t some things still be old fashioned?
  4. When someone only talks about themselves, it may not always be from a bad place, but they are best avoided in the future.
  5. The awkward one arm hug and pat is a sure fire signal to send your date not to call..ever..again…

pat…pat…pat..

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