An Engineer, a Cellist, and a Dog Walk Into the Wrong Bar…

Unfortunately, this doesn’t have a punchline.

Some dates are just so awkward and bad that you both never contact each other again and that’s okay. There are some dates that you figure out midway that you aren’t compatible. Some dates you find out in the first ten minutes or even during the greeting. Perhaps a key indicator to this is if the person hands you a business card in the first five minutes. This is not an interview, calm down (we will revisit this).

Let’s rewind to a date that I had a few months ago. It goes back to getting the wrong impression via text. I thought this man was witty, handsome, and shared the same interests. I thought perhaps that he didn’t like to text very much which meant we were on the same page about too much initial conversation before meeting. Come to find out he was just quirky.

The date begins by me showing up to the correct bar, and him showing up to the wrong bar, only a few blocks away. He insists I walk to him. Okay fine, because the place I am at isn’t very interesting to me.

I get to the place, and give him a hug. I take a step back and he looks older than his pictures….much older. Great. Is this my first catfish? He is also oddly enough dressed like he borrowed my dad’s clothes: khaki dress pants, a checked collared shirt, and a fleece vest. Cringe…

I tell myself to keep it together and to be polite. He sits down, and hands me a business card from his wallet. This is a first. I’m not really sure what to say. So I make a joke about already having his number and not needing an industrial sized waste management system (that’s what he engineers). He stares at me blankly.

As we are looking over the menu, he keeps staring at the window. I’m not sure if he has Tourette’s or not because it’s so rapid. I ask if everything is okay. He precedes to tell me that his dog is in his truck up the street and a new spot has opened up and he needs to go move his vehicle. He throws his wallet on the table and says that he’s not ditching the date. This all happens so fast I start laughing. He dryly asks what’s so funny. I tell him nothing and he better hurry before he loses the spot.

He comes back in and I look over to see his dog staring at me through the window. I turn to look at him, and he is still staring at his dog. I asked him if he always brings his dog on dates. He informs me dryly that he was running late and didn’t have time to drop him off at home.

I try and lighten the weird mood and ask him what kind of things he likes to do for fun. He almost yells at me in an intense tone that this is NOT an interview and he does NOT like small talk questions. Holy shit.

My tune changes. I don’t handle being spoken to rudely very well. I’m totally a straightforward and feisty woman. There is not a meek bone in my body. I inform him through gritted teeth and by looking him dead in the eye, that talking about likes and dislikes are how first dates work. The waitress finally comes over.

After our order is in, we somehow get on the topic of his ex wife. It is now the only topic we discuss for the next 30 minutes. He tells me how she was a concert cellist and only used him for his credit card and the Porsche he bought her. He tells me people think he’s on the Autism Spectrum (shocker, I can tell because I’ve worked in the special education field for 8 years). He goes on to tell me his wife just one day got on a plane to England for two weeks to go see another man and he didn’t understand why. At this point, I feel bad for him.

The waitress comes back to ask if I want another glass of wine. He gets oddly angry and barks at her saying, one is enough.

That’s how I felt about this date. 






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